Tag Archives: crush

The Double Life

Image

 

I spun around on stage, I was facing one customer, and turned to the next – there he was.  He looked just like I remembered him, he hadn’t changed much at all.  I began the crazy crush at the age of six years old.  Luke went to my Sunday School class.  He was the youngest of three.  To the left of Luke was his older brother Calvin, and then the oldest brother Nate.  It was not a meeting I had foreseen.  I couldn’t figure out who was more shocked, them or me.  We spent over ten years growing up together, memorizing catechisms, sleeping through youth group, singing at old folk’s homes, and messing around on Sundays after the service.  Now, I was naked, and they were paying for the show.  What were these nice guys doing here?  Why did they come?  Don’t they know how inappropriate this place is?

The minute I walked through the doors at the strip club I became a confident, sexy, powerful, and naughty.  I was Jezebelle, and no one could shake that.   Everybody either wanted to be me, or to be with me, and if they didn’t then they were crazy.  I had it all.  I didn’t have a single flaw, I wasn’t afraid to show everybody everything.  I was the invincible Jezebelle.  But, underneath all the makeup, was a shy little good girl.  When I walked out the doors, I suddenly cared what people thought.  I didn’t have the disclaimer of “Jezebelle,”  I was just Joy, flawed, struggling, searching Joy.  I LOVED being Jezebelle for the freedom it gave me.  I didn’t have to answer to anyone, I wasn’t judged by anyone, I was accepted, I didn’t fall short of expectations, and everyone loved me.

What interested me, was it seemed as though Jezebelle was not the only one that found her freedom in the club.  Many men came in and were freed at the door as well.  It was like there was a coat and baggage check.  Everyone left their baggage at the door, their work troubles, their relationship woes, along with every bit of judgement.  And so did women.  Gay women as well as straight women.  Women that were usually prudes, lowered their morals after slithering past the baggage check.

When I saw Luke, Calvin, and Nate, they carried some of my baggage with them, a little bit of Joy was revealed and a little less Jezebelle was present.  I greeted them after my stage set, kissed them goodbye, and headed to a different floor.  In reality I was there for some of the same reasons as my customers.  Joy was too responsible for me.  The best thing about Jezebelle was that she carried no baggage.  She was freedom.  

Advertisements