Monthly Archives: February 2014

Kyle

Image

YES!!!! Kyle came to see me again!! I was a people person, I generally had fun talking to and getting to know new people all night long, every night was a good night. On the nights Kyle came, that was an extra good night. Many of the girls had regulars at the club that thought they were their boyfriend. I would always feel bad for the poor idiots. In they would come looking for their goddess “girlfriend” night after night. Some would come bearing gifts, designer clothes, flowers, chocolates, you name it. The girls loved these men. Many would take down their phone number so they could notify them of when they would be working, or call them in if they were having a slow night. These brainless boys really thought they were their boyfriends. I always thought it was odd that they didn’t catch on when their “girlfriend” didn’t want to hang out outside the club. I could never bring myself to do that. Requiring someone to pay to spend time with you is one thing, to make them think you care about them when you are really just using them for money – I couldn’t do that.

These desperate men are usually just the way you would imagine them, they look like the kind of guys that would have to pay for a female to talk to them. Don’t get me wrong, then strip clubs have many gorgeous, fun men in them, there for  a good time, but then there are the regulars that have no one else to talk to, and although this sounds so cruel, no one ever wondered why. Those regulars were the ones that fell into these imaginary relationships, the ones that would  pay dance prices just for a conversation with one of the beauties.

Enter Kyle. Kyle was a few years older than me, he was handsome, so attractive, a sweet gentleman with a good job. He came in more and more frequently. First he came with his friends, and then he began showing up alone. He would always spend a few hundred, tip well, get me a drink, and then chat a while.

You can tell when you have chemistry with someone just by giving them a dance. Kyle and I had chemistry. He smelled good. I would loved when Kyle would come to see me. He would ask me out almost every time he saw me, I would turn him down every time.

It was the end of June. This time was different. He told me he wasn’t coming back to see me. He wouldn’t come unless I spent the 4th of July with him. His family was having a bbq and he wanted me to meet them. Everything about him was perfect. Too perfect. He would treat me like a princess, I would end up bored, feeling penned up. I chose to stay with my controlling jobless boyfriend.

Maybe there was a part of us that was exactly the same. Kyle chose a girl he would have to pay to spend time with, one that didn’t give him the attention he deserved without a ridiculous amount of money spent. I chose someone that would never measure up. We both deserved better. We both sought after less than we deserved.

I never saw my Kyle again.

*All names have been changed in this blog including mine – except for Kyle’s.

Advertisements

I’m Waiting… (but not really)

Image

Waiting.  I hate it so much.  Whatever the outcome may be I want to know NOW.  I find myself refreshing my email constantly, running to the mailbox, and checking the screen on my phone just to make sure that I haven’t missed the bit of news I have been anticipating.  Really waiting for anything can be enough to make me go almost insane.  I find myself constantly preaching to myself via my own self talk; “Jacob waited.  Jacob waited for SEVEN years to marry the love of his life.  SEVEN YEARS!!  …and then he had to wait ANOTHER seven!  So really, time to work on that patience girlfriend!”  I have these conversations quite frequently not only with myself but also with some of the close ones in my life as they go through their seasons of waiting, whether it be for that new job, a solution to a problem they have, or whatever the case is, I preach Jacob to them.

Jacobs waiting has always blown my mind.  Four-teen years is quite frankly too long for me to wait.  However, I was recently given a new perspective that made four-teen years seem like, well like it did to Jacob; like a day.  We always hear “It’s not the destination, it’s the journey.”  I usually just roll my eyes, smile, and nod then  I hear these remarks.  That’s absolutely ridiculous.  I don’t care how I get there, as long as I get there, so therefore the journey is absolutely irrelevant for the most part. – ha

Then there’s Joseph.  He was take captive wrongfully at around 17 years of age.  He was then sold off to an Egyptian, and wrongfully accused, and imprisoned for a crime he did not commit.  It wasn’t until approximately 20 years after Joseph was sold by his brothers that he was used by God to save a nation.  Joseph kept close to God during his wait.  Today we could expect to hear things come out of his mouth such as “I don’t deserve this, why would God do this to me? why do bad things happen to good people?” or my absolute least favorite “I’m mad at God.”  Joseph was blessed with grace as he kept God as his rock during these trials.  God did not leave Joseph hanging for 20 years, he prepared him for what was to come.  Joseph was able to tell of a deadly famine that would come, and ultimately save a nation.  In the words of Joseph himself after his brothers apologize he tells them what they have meant for evil God has meant for good.  It may appear that Joseph waited twenty years for God to use him, but he didn’t wait, he prepared, drew closer to God, became a recognized man of God even inside the prison.

Well twenty years definitely makes four-teen seem a little less.  …but what about eighty years?  Well that one seems to take the cake.  Eighty years of waiting????  Enter Moses.  Leading God’s people to the promised land.  Why did God not let his biological family raise him?  It wasn’t fair that his brother and sister got to grow up in the constant care and nurturing of their natural parents.  Why would God do this to Moses?  How could an innocent little baby deserve to be taken away from his loving mother?  He hadn’t done anything wrong!  Moses waited (prepared) eighty years to lead God’s people to the promised land, and then died before he could enter himself.  Moses had his share of doubts and questions, but he still kept close to the Father.  When I think of Moses I think of a man whose face shone from seeing God, a burning bush, the parting of the Red Sea, and the Ten Commandments.  Even these mighty men had their moments of weakness, but ultimately when we turn our faces upward God is glorified, and we are used.

My challenge to you, is to stop waiting.  Get out of the depth of despair, and look upward!  Stop waiting and start preparing.  Maybe you don’t have the answers, and maybe you don’t know why you of all people were chosen to go through certain trials, but guess what!?  God has a plan!  ”For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you,” declares the Lord.”  Turn your face upward, press on!!  For what man has meant for evil, God has meant for good.  Embrace it, embrace Him, stop waiting, and PREPARE yourself for great things!